a hope by khaula

 

A hope 

Zulaikha akbar, is what my name stands for. Quite beautiful isn't it, my father gave my name Zulaikha because he liked the love story between the prophet yusuf and Zulaikha. That's why my father named me Zulaikha. I come from a big family, that's right I am the 5th child of 5 siblings. But of my four siblings, only I am not married. Not without reason, I am still a student at one of the universities in this rainy city.

"Zulaikha, hurry downstairs dear, mom already cooked you breakfast."

That's right, it was the voice of my mother, the most nagging and fussy mother, but loving to all her children, especially me. Finally I went down the stairs and rushed to the dining table to eat with my father and mother. "kha, how is your final project? Has it been completed yet?" my father asked me, because indeed I was currently in my last semester and was waiting for graduation. "Dadhhhh, so don't be busy taking care of office work, until you forget that your child is already in trial just waiting for graduation." Yes, that's how my father is, if he's busy forgetting about all his children's activities. "masyaallah, it turns out that my youngest daughter is about to finish her studies, just work. Regarding work, don't be confused, let me work in my father's office, surely you won't think about anything else."

Honestly, I really hate what my dad says when it comes to the words "calm down, there's a dad." It's not that I hate my father if he wants to help me. However, how long can I continue to be restrained like this. Maybe you think being me is very fun, but in reality being me is very, very miserable. During the 22 years I lived in this mortal world, there was not a single thing that I lived with my wishes. Starting from when I was in kindergarten, elementary school, junior high school, high school, even in college.

Unlike my four siblings, they all lived their educational lives according to what they wanted and aspired to. Whenever I asked them why I was always being demanded, they would answer that I was the youngest child, and there was already experience from my siblings. I think it's very old-fashioned, if I'm always being demanded like this, while they don't really understand what I dream and aspire to. Sometimes I want to escape from this prison without bars, but what about the fate of my parents. They will feel like they have failed to educate a child like me, they will be disappointed with what I have lived through.

The clock was already 09.00, I immediately rushed back to the room to make the bed and everything else. Dad had already left for work again, shortly after me, dad, and mom had breakfast together. Because today I have no more activities on campus, I intend to watch the movie alone. If anyone asks me where my friends are, then I will answer, they are in their respective positions. They all only need me when they need me, but I don't really care and think about it. After all, if they realize what they have done to me, they will turn their bodies back and come back to me with the phrase "kha, are you busy? I'm stressed, I need a friend to talk to, and I think you're the right person for me to talk to." Do I hold a grudge against them? Or do I feel annoyed? In the past, I would probably answer "yes" but as time goes by now I would answer "no." There's no point in resenting someone who has no involvement in my life with any of them.

After finishing getting ready to leave, I went back downstairs to say goodbye to mom. "bunnnnn, Zulaikha went out first, want some me time, because Zulaikha was boring staying alone at home alone, especially since there was no prince to pick her up, Zulaikha better go alone." I said to my mother, whose beauty is incomparable to the angels of heaven if my father said. "Zulaikha...!!! The mother's habit deh is not budeg, again in this house is not in goaaaa, the mother is also here why do you have to shout ah, where from above again. Talk nicely, dear." Said the beloved mother to her youngest daughter. Her youngest daughter's habit of shouting at home and always being scolded by her mother is the spice of the crowd in this grand family home. "hehehehe, I on behalf of Zulaikha akbar binti akbar ahmad apologize for the mistake I made for yelling at this beloved mother, I hope the mother understands her beautiful and sholehah youngest child." Behind her cheerful, bawdy, chatty, chatty, excited, and other attitudes. Believe me out there she is very very calm, quiet, but not to the point of being alone in the corner, used to be iyah but not now. She can now socialize a little, because the major she chose in college is psychology, so there is no reason not to be social.

"Zulaikha, you're already neat, where are you going."

"Yehhh, mom, Zulaikha has already asked permission from mom, if Zulaikha wants to go to the movies."

"Are you alone?" Her mother teased.

"Ahhhh what mother, Zulaikha is alone, who are you talking about?"

"I'm sure, so be careful. Don't come home late at night, dad knows, mom will get scolded."

Age is not a limit to freedom for Zulaikha, for her the age may be 22 but about play permits, like a junior high school child who is stepping into the teenage stage. "Mom, it's okay, Zulaikha is 22 now, not a teenager anymore, but an adult, Zulaikha understands." After an incomparable debate between mother and daughter, Zulaikha finally left the house and her mother to go to the movies.

Today is Wednesday so not many people come to the movie theater, it might be full but not during the time I watch. The distinctive smell that I breathed in, hah I really missed it, surely the origin of this smell lies in the ladies in white. Popcorn, that's right. I decided to buy one medium popcorn with one red velvet drink. The correct rule is to buy the ticket first and then buy the food, right. But it didn't apply to me, Zulaikha Akbar, because watching it was impromptu and confused about which title to watch. Finally, I bought the snacks first while thinking about what movie I would watch, then bought a ticket to watch it.

"What do you want to watch?" asked a woman wearing a white shirt with a cream-colored headscarf and wearing a batik skirt, complete with beautiful but not thick makeup that became her attraction.  "Dear God at 13.00." After buying and taking the ticket, I then rushed into the studio because the announcement of the studio door that I would occupy was already open. Many pairs of eyes were looking at me. Is it wrong if I go to the movies alone, and don't bring a friend to watch or with a partner like the people around me. Ah never mind, anyway I was very ignorant of that stare. my original intention was to watch just as an entertainer, filling my free time.

It turns out that watching alone is not a big deal. I enjoyed myself and was happy as usual. Don't expect me to go straight home after watching. If you guessed that, then you guessed wrong. Of course this is my golden opportunity. Then I continued my full day agenda with myself of course.

It was already 6 p.m. and I was still in the mall that I was going to alone. Because I wanted to relax after getting home, I finally decided to pray in the mall.

But when he got home.

"kha, what time is it, do you remember the time when you play, you have this habit, you like to forget when you go home, at this hour you just arrived home. What time did you leave?"

It's not unusual for me to come home past maghrib time, so I'll be greeted with the words that have just been spoken by the only person in power in this house. Who else if not this grand father. Freedom of time was not obtained by me as the youngest child. I don't know what sins my four siblings have committed, so that the impact is even on this innocent last child. Who else if not me, Zulaikha Akbar binti Akbar.

"Well, what do you really want from Zulaikha, everything you say is always followed by Zulaikha, you tell Zulaikha this, Zulaikha follows, you tell Zulaikha that, Zulaikha follows. Even when Zulaikha had a chance to be free from Dad's orders, which Zulaikha thought were constantly directed at Zulaikha, Dad still didn't even give Zulaikha a chance to express herself like most people." My tone was starting to become unnatural for now. Because honestly, I shouldn't have used that tone of voice to my father, who is my parent. Maybe if people saw it, I would be called a disobedient child, even though in reality I was actually defending what I had been suppressing. Not because of negative things.

"What do you mean, you're fighting dad?" Look, I'm not fighting, I'm just arguing about what I've been going through.

"Dad, Zulaikha majored in psychology, Zulaikha always listened to people's complaints, Zulaikha always gave advice on what was the topic of the problem of each of Zulaikha's patients. But on the other hand Zulaikha felt inappropriate, and sad. What Zulaikha gave to all of them, honestly Zulaikha never got from anyone, Zulaikha could be a good listener for them, but who was a good listener for Zulaikha. Zulaikha gave them advice on problems, but Zulaikha was never given good advice when she was in trouble. So here it's really them who need Zulaikha, or Zulaikha who is actually crazy."

Zulaikha's anger had really peaked. "Zulaikha, you haven't finished talking yet!!!"

Called her father to Zulaikha who indeed after what she had released Zulaikha immediately left the place of their debate earlier. And immediately entered her most beautiful room among other rooms if Zulaikha said. "bughhh...!!!" came the sound of a loudly closed door, which indicated that the person who closed the door was really emotionally high or hard level.

Crying? Of course not, either you are immune because of experience or indeed the sadness is covered by resentment. Therefore, just to get out might be defeated by anger. After all, what is Zulaikha's problem today? Just because she came home late, which according to you, if you discuss the matter, you can say it's not late, right?....

After entering the room with anger, Zulaikha immediately cleaned her body, and of course if she was already in the room looking at the mattress, who could refuse the waving call from the soft one. Maybe accepting the offer from the soft one was not a problem, just waiting for isya time, Zulaikha thought.

Meanwhile, outside Zulaikha's room, there was still a conversation between husband and wife who were arguing with each other.

"Well, never mind, his name is also a young man, anyway Zulaikha had already asked permission from mom. Mother also believes in her, if she will not lie to us too, when the prayer schedule is also she will not just leave it. She is also 22 years old, what should be prohibited from that age. He's an adult too, not a teenager anymore, he already knows what's good for him and what's not good for him."

Maybe you could say this is a defense from the wingless angel in this house, to the only king in this house. That's right, if I don't forget to tell you that this grand family is indeed dominated by all angels, which means that there are no boys in this family except for Zulaikha's father, and maybe the husbands of Zulaikha's sisters.

"Mom, what I mean by saying that is that I want her to think, mom, that the relationships out there can't be controlled anymore. Whether she's an adult or a teenager, whether she's 15 years old, 17 years old, 22 years old or even older than Zulaikha. I want to educate her properly. I forbid her to do this and forbid her to do that, not for me, but for her as well. I want her to be a good woman, who is in accordance with what has become a reflection of what a woman should be. Remember once again, I'm not restraining her here, but I'm educating her, so that she becomes a good woman. Not without reason but for her too."

Parents are always afraid and worried if their children get into the wrong relationships, or even afraid that their children will fall into bad things. But believe me, Zulaikha is not a child like that. Moreover, religious upbringing has been planted from childhood both for Zulaikha, or for her other siblings.

" iyah dad, bunda understand really, but trust me with bunda, Inshallah with God's permission and prayers from us as parents, all of them not only Zulaikha, but her older siblings who are married, are not included and belong to what you mean. The key is one, we continue to give advice to them. Gradually they will also think for themselves. What is certain is that our duties as parents have been fulfilled."

Additional from the mother to avoid the husband's negative thoughts for the youngest child.

"Let's just rest now, tomorrow will be normal again."

After a debate that could be considered emotionally draining between my father and me earlier. It was already late, after the evening prayer, I had time to do my routine activities as a woman in general. Especially if it's not skincare. In this age that can be considered generation z, believe me there is not a single woman who does not use skincare. Right? Answer honestly for you women in this world. Even I'm confused, for children in their teens there is already skincare. Back in my day, I never knew what skincare was, after stepping into college, and my status changed from student to student, then I knew what skincare was like. It turns out that it's not just washing your face, there are stages and procedures that must be followed, and fulfilled. Wellhhh it is true that today is indeed an advanced age. Even my nephew who is still a baby has a special skincare. I have to think twice and consider between getting married and having children. Spending so much already makes me shudder. It will be safe if I'm matched with a big boss, but if not? It's bad, isn't it.

Ah never mind, why am I talking about this skincare thing. I'm not an expert, and I'm not promoting a product either. So let's finish our discussion about skincare and just go to sleep. That's enough about today, it seems that behind the word Happy, yes it will not last forever, there must always be an end to the problem.

***

Days had passed, and the argument between the father and his youngest son had ended peacefully. After all, misunderstandings, arguments, or whatever it was called in the family circle, were not something strange, and were always there to decorate, not to obstruct the view of a house.

Ohh iyah, you know, today at my house is gathering all my siblings and their husbands and children who are cute, annoying, but still sholeh and sholehah. Eitsss but there is not my proposal event, if you think and menenbak like that. You are very, very wrong. Tomorrow is my graduation day, you can imagine how busy my family is, starting from my father, mother, brothers, sisters-in-law, and my beloved nephews. They are busy, they are complicated, it's like there will be a wedding event, even though this is only my graduation event, which if you know what the flow of graduation is like, you will definitely think "oh God, the family's bat intention."

The only ones who entered the building were me and my family representatives, and even then only one person, the rest inevitably had to wait outside. I had already imagined how miserable my siblings would be. But no matter what they were like this, it was because they were enthusiastic and happy about my final achievement. Moreover, I was the last child. It is undeniable how relieved and free my father's breath is now. He has succeeded in giving birth to all five of his children to become scholars, although in reality, the siblings became housewives. Not by their will, but by the direction of their husbands, which the husband's direction or order inevitably must be fulfilled and implemented. Their heaven no longer lies with their mothers, but with their respective husbands.

"mityyyyyyyyyy, why don't you open the door to the room, I miss mityy, don't mityy miss me?" shouted the boy outside my bedroom door. Ahh if there is already an army of boys, it always makes my room messy, like a broken ship. One time, my sweet nephew played with me in my room, I used up a bottle of shampoo and broke a bottle of parfume, my skincare. As a result, my room was filled with too much fragrance, to the point that I had to evacuate to the next room. Just inhaling it made me dizzy. I really wanted to get angry at the cute kids, but what the hell, there was no point in scolding them. Maybe I'll direct them and give them advice on what they did wrong, and they should take responsibility for what they've done. At least if we make a mistake, don't forget to apologize for what we have done. It's not about the goods but the responsibility of themselves.

"What the heckhhhh khawarijjjjj my handsome son masyaallah, whose sholehnya masyaallah, whose smart and intelligent masyaallah, whose behavior nauzubillah but mityyy love this." That's how friendly I am, no doubt. "You don't have to go into mity's room to miss her, then mitty will have to deal with your room." Finally, Zulaikha rushed out with her nephew and went downstairs to gather with other family members.

Do not be strange, because it has been discussed that Zulaikha's family is a large family, so once there is a gathering there is always a roast, eat together or even just suki-sukian. Each discussion came out of the mouth of each brother to the younger brother, between brother-in-law and sister-in-law.

"Deck, how will you do after graduation?" asked the husband of my third sister.

"What does that mean sis? Yes, thank God, of course I'm really happy, because I'm free from lecturers who are really passionate about teaching, especially lecturers who require Zulaikha to stay up late every day. I'm really thankful for that."

"hahaha, you're so basic. But that's not what I mean. What do you want to do in the future?" Yes, actually Zulaikha already understood exactly where the conversation was going.

"Yes, work, especially."

"nikah dek nikah, how about that, is there already a candidate or not, how come this sholehah woman rich in zulaikha akbar has no one to crush."

"ouchhhh, kak ahmad start deh, the discussion is too far ah, Zulaikha is lazy to respond, just about to graduate tomorrow, already asked in that direction. Again, Zulaikha also wants to be happy happy first."

"Well, if you haven't, I happen to have a male acquaintance who is really suitable for you, who knows, you guys are a match and yes, you are suitable too." Now I've guessed where the direction of the game is.

" kak ahmad who is kind and diligent in saving money, as well as loving his children and wife. Already deh the discussion, about the soul mate anyway already deh, we skip first yah. Better now we celebrate Zulaikha's pre-graduation for tomorrow, okeh gak."

In the end, everyone stopped discussing the matchmaking. And they continued their family fun activities. However, some of the nieces and nephews have also entered the room, just to sleep with their babies because it's time for my little angels to rest. I'm not married, and I don't have children, but the presence of my nieces and nephews is like a child to me.

The next day, Zulaikha already appeared with a simple beautiful face makeup, but very pangling if people say, and this is not the result of MUA makeup. This is the result of the creation of Zulaikha's own hand skills, according to her hiring MUA is very very wasteful of a lot of money, even though in reality she just swiped the money at her ATM. But still, while we can and are able to do it ourselves, why should we rely on others. Itung itung is fun and has new experiences too.

The pastel-colored kebaya she wore was her fourth sister's former engagement kebaya. As mentioned above, Zulaikha is a thrifty child, and doesn't bother, as long as it's there and can still be used, why don't we use it again.

"masyaallah tabarakallah, the mother's child is really beautiful siiii, who is the mother until her child can be this beautiful."

It's always like that, but that doesn't mean I'm uncomfortable, but it's a common statement from people isn't it. "I'm sorry, let's just go, let the older siblings and the younger ones catch up later, if you wait, Zulaikha will be late."

Event after event had begun, the summoning of the graduates had been carried out. The graduation ceremony lasted for 3 hours. After the graduation ceremony was over, then Zulaikha and her family took a picture together at one of the famous photo studios in the city of Bogor.

***

Hah, what a tiring event today. But even though it was tiring, today's agenda was quite exciting. From start to finish. Until in the end, happiness was not long in my life.

"Zulaikha, when you're done please come downstairs dear, your father's mother and brother want to discuss a few issues." Ya rabb, what other temptation would you give me as a weak servant like this? I regretted in my heart after hearing my mother's words.

After everything was done and I was clean, I decided to go downstairs and hang out with the rest of the family.

"Honey, you know that the mother now is not the old mother anymore, a healthy mother, a fit mother. But at this time the mother already has problems in this mother's health. You know, mom has had this disease for a long time. Even your high school days were filled with days with your mother in a hospital that we both don't even know what the layout of the city is like. Earlier about a few hours ago, the mother was informed by the hospital there, and was required to return for treatment again, because honestly the results from the past did not produce good results. And here the mother has discussed with others, regarding who will help the mother. And according to mutual agreement too, without, reducing the feeling of displeasure of the mother to you. Mom hopes you want to help and help mom like before again. Considering that the others already have their own responsibilities."

Really, this sentence, the city, even the hospital is still my trauma. And it's hard to get rid of, even though it's been years. I don't mind, but what about the responsibilities of my other siblings. Every time there's a problem like this, it's always me who is relied on, always me who is used as their excuse. Not even for my father's initiative. So if it's like this, and I've been given this kind of responsibility, what can I do? I can't bear to refuse it, honestly if there are things that are not wearing like this, they all always delegate it to me. It's not that I don't want to, but I question the responsibility of my other siblings. Okay I can tolerate it for now. But a few years ago? Where did they go?

Whether I want to or not, whether I like it or not, whether I accept it or not. The point is that I have to go, after all, apart from me, then who else will help Mother. Mother and I will leave on Wednesday. Either using a private vehicle, or using a travel service.

"Inshallah, Zulaikha will help, as much as she can."

I have to start from scratch, I thought. After the family discussion, I went straight to my room. Not because I was sad, it's just that I wanted to rest because the activity was very, very tiring. Arriving at the room I did not go to bed but sat down and breathed the night air on the balcony of my room, with a view of my neighbor's house. Haaaa..... this air, is the air that I miss, the cool air after the rain is indeed very much a supporter of my contemplation time. While carrying a book and a ballpoint pen. At times like this I always write my complaints on a white paper.

Wednesday has come, my mother and I are already on our way to the city that has the satay building. today the road is a little jammed, when is bandung not jammed, I asked myself. Traffic and many people, wearing uniforms, and not wearing uniforms, decorate the morning in this city. Mom and I had arrived at one of the most famous hospitals in the city. The density of people inside is undeniable, just as dense as at the red light I passed earlier. Both young and old, you will find it in this place I'm going to. Both children and adults. My sadness arose, my pity came. Honestly, in things like this I easily shed tears, how could I not, their enthusiasm is very high to be able to recover like before. The same thing is like my mother, for years until now the spirit of the mother is very high to get well, even though the doctor there always hangs hope, that's what makes me feel sorry for my mother. There is no return for the fighting spirit of recovery for my bundaku.

"tea, can you leave my child, just for a moment, I happen to want to go to that room first for a minute to confirm for azhan for a while." Asked a young mother about 24 years old and not much different from me it seems. "Oh yes, tea is fine, it's okay here, I happen to be waiting for my mother too." Azhan is a name that I rarely hear and is also very special. But when I saw his son I was a little surprised, it seems that Azhan is not a child like usual, but he has a specialty among other children. "Ouch teteh, thank you so much for bothering me. By the way, did you come here alone or what? Where did you come from?" asked this young mother to me, because I am a psychologist, at least a little more I understand how this woman's character is when she chats with me. Patient, accepting the situation as it is, cheerful, and always doing what has become a consequence. "Not at all bothered by tea, again, Azhan is also very good, he understands where he doesn't want to bother his mother. Incidentally, I'm alone with my mom, I'm from the rainy city, understand where it is if not my beloved Bogor." I'm like that, easy to get along with people, because maybe my basic psychologist is already ingrained.

"azhan has a disorder among other children, azhan has been declared downsyndrome since he was only 3 days old, at first I didn't accept this, because I was complaining about what trials God had entrusted to me. When people out there are gathering with their families, my mother and father have left this world first since I was 17 years old, that's the toughest test I've ever felt. They both had an accident, while traveling somewhere. I had no younger siblings or older siblings, I lived alone. Fortunately, my mother's sister was willing to take care of me and help me until now. He doesn't differentiate between me as his nephew and his biological son. He helped me with my studies, even though it was not entirely my wish, but I still went through it, because I was sure that what my mother's sister had directed for me was a good thing for me too. I always learned to accept the situation even though in reality I wanted to rebel. Graduating from college, qodarulah I immediately got married and well my happiness was very very high, I thought that now I was no longer alone. But happiness is false, when I gave birth to azhan, God gave me another test that required me to fight with my husband. But what else can I do, this is God's decree, I as his servant who has many sins can only accept it sincerely, and live it with a smile, even though other hearts are also mouths and thoughts." This young mother told me, because maybe she just wanted to share her story and experience with me. As soon as she found out that my major was psychology.

This young mother's experience really opened my mind. My suffering so far has only been orders and freedom, but so far after I lived it there were no strange things that became the result, even positive things from the results that had been directed beforehand from my parents. But there is still a bit of a mistake in my opinion if my father is too strict with me even though in essence he wants his son to be on the right track.

Before I knew it, my mother's consultation with the doctor was over, do you know what miracle God gave to my family? Mother was declared cured of her illness. The small lump on her kidney has disappeared, because of God's power. I was happy and excited about this news. I immediately hugged my mother and felt unexpected.

After the good news, Zulaikha went to a nearby minimarket in front of the hospital to buy snacks and drinks to accompany them on their way home. But just as Zulaikha finished shopping and was about to cross the road, a car sped up and it seems that the car's brakes failed spontaneously and within seconds, the car hit Zulaikha who was in the right position.

"ZULAIKHA...........!!!!!!!!" The mother shouted to Zulaikha, the people around immediately ran to help Zulaikha, who would have thought that her clean white clothes were now stained with blood stains flowing from Zulaikha's body. Zulaikha was immediately taken into the hospital, on the cage Zulaikha said. "Mother, Zulaikha is afraid, Zulaikha doesn't want to be left alone, Zulaikha wants to be together with father and mother. Zulaikha is afraid to be alone. Zulaikha just wants to go home, she doesn't want to be here."

"Doctor, please help my child, I beg you." The mother said as soon as Zulaikha was unconscious. However, there was no hope for Zulaikha. It was the last conversation between the mother and her youngest child. Yes, Zulaikha was declared dead due to bleeding in her brain.

Not waiting long, Zulaikha's body was immediately taken to the funeral home. And immediately buried the next day. The longing that Zulaikha left to her family was very painful, a longing that could not be treated other than through prayer, the screams in every corner of the room would never be heard again. When the mother entered Zulaikha's room, she was greeted by a book that her youngest child had always confided in.

"I actually don't hate my family, it's just that the way my family educates me is not suitable for me who often rebels. I am very grateful to have been born into this great family. Even though there is a bit of restraint but that is the characteristic of this family. Maybe I won't write in this book anymore, because I've complained enough, along with the full content of this book. Whoever among you reads it, congratulations you managed to become a reader of my first book. There is something you need to know about me, I don't like crowded atmosphere, but I'm afraid to be left alone. Until we meet again, from me Zulaikha akbar binti akbar."

It doesn't feel like her mother's tears always come out without her realizing it, so all this time she never complained and accepted that opinion, a big mistake. Where is the figure of a mother who is a good listener for her child. It turned out that the parting sentence in the book was really the last parting sentence for Zulaikha.

But, guilt is just guilt, it cannot be changed. The guilt intensified as her mother read her youngest son's confession in a book.

***

 

 

The clock was already 1pm, the atmosphere around was crowded, the weather was neither too hot nor too rainy.

"Mom..., mom..., mom, wake up mom, what's wrong mom, ouch bunnnnn?"

Zulaikha was worried about her mother, when Zulaikha saw her mother asleep but sobbing in her sleep and shedding tears. Zulaikha was confused because she had just seen someone who was asleep but sobbing in her sleep to the point of tears.

"Oh my god, mothera, why is it hard to wake up siiiii, just pantes aja kaka kaka many who kembluk turns out to be derived from mother times huh?"

Zulaikha said to herself while shaking her mother's shoulder to wake up. The people around also glanced at Zulaikha who was overwhelmed to wake up her mother, soon the travel car that would be boarded by Zulaikha and her mother would soon depart.

"1.."

"2.."

"3.."

"bundaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........!!!"

"astagfirullah, ya allah, ya Rahman, ya Rahim, lailahaillah muhammadarrasulullah.." while holding his chest, and woke up from his sleep.

"Zulaikha? Is it really you, dear? Mother is not dreaming right? This is really the mother's child right? Zulaikha akbar?" continued the mother when she woke up from her sleep which was soft if Zulaikha said.

"ihhhh Allahu akbar, bundaaa, why the hell, iyyah this is Zulaikha, Zulaikha who is beautiful and kind, diligent in helping, diligent in saving. This is Zulaikha, mother's daughter."

"Alhamdulillah ya allah, astagfirullah, what sin am I ya allah, to the point that you gave me such a scary dream, forgive your servant ya allah." Said the mother in her heart

"What's wrong with mom, she sleeps so soundly, it's hard to wake up, where she sleeps while crying again. What are you dreaming about, that's why when you go to bed, read the prayer first, you can be tired but remember who gives us the flower of sleep, God is the cell, so that you can avoid nightmares by praying first."

"Iyyah dear, thank you for reminding mom, mom was so tired that she slept anywhere."

The mother replied, but did not tell her why she was crying while asleep earlier, worried that it would become her child's thoughts that were not-not, because her mother knew very well that her youngest child had a different nature from her other siblings. Zulaikha tends to always be a thinker, and in the end the child broods and the days he lives will not be full of laughter and laughter.

"It's okay bun, now we just get in the car, it's about to leave too, we'll miss the car again, if we miss it, what will happen?"

"Iiyyah, baby, oh my gosh, my youngest child is really nagging this one."

 

Incidentally, my seat was near the window, actually this is not a coincidence, but indeed I ordered it near the window hehehe. The vibe of sitting in a window seat when traveling is different from the others. I can get nervous, even though there is nothing to be nervous about. are you guys like that too?

The atmosphere of the highway was not too crowded, the clouds were no longer able to withstand the weight of the clumps of steam they had absorbed which resulted in the fall of water droplets from above down to the bottom. It must be very cool out there, especially since the rain didn't fall in clumps, but in spots. Wowhh I'm sure I'm the luckiest person who can sit on a chair by this window. The water droplets that fell from top to bottom stuck to the car glass, adding to the aesthetic impression of this trip. I also rushed to take pictures from inside the car for snapgram needs. Heyoooo, honestly all of you are also people who are not anti-social media too, right? To be honest, I used to be very anti-social media, even opening social media is not as frequent as it is now.

During this trip I listened to my favorite songs using earphones, until without realizing it I fell asleep on this trip. The heart's intention was to enjoy every second of this trip, but what the hell, the sleepiness could not be lied to and diverted.

"kha, wake up son, it's about to arrive soon, wake up now so that later when you go down you don't roll anymore." my mother's voice woke me up.

After a while, I arrived at the final destination of this travel. When I got out of the car, I was greeted by the presence of my father who was waiting for the queen and his favorite daughter.

"dadhh...!!!" wait a minute, that's not me saying hello, it's mom. Yes, that's how it is when you are together or meet dad, mom always acts like a young person who just got married yesterday. But that's not a problem, in fact I like the attitude of the mother who is like that to the father, it is very visible that the mother's affection is never endless for her husband. Tapiiiii……. ya gak diluar gini juga kan temen temen, khawatir banyak orang yang berpandangan berbeda dan malah berkomentar dan mengakibatkan terjadinya ain dalam hubungan bunda dan ayah. If it's like that, it's dangerous too.

"Mother, I wonder how many people are looking at you." Zulaikha urged while whispering to her mother.

"hehe map yah, after missing you really can't wait to chat about the results."

"masyallah alhamdulillah, dad's two favorites have arrived safely. How about now we just eat first. It's about maghrib, so we can pray in the mall." Invite my father to me and my mother, because honestly for myself, I can no longer tolerate the demo demo in my stomach.

"Dad eat at hokben yu yah, it's been so long since Zulaikha ate hokben." This was my chance as a daughter to be able to use my ace in the hole with Dad.

"That's okay, kid."

You know what I'm saying, Dad will definitely comply with my wishes, but there's always someone who gets upset, who else if not Mom.

"Alahhh, you just have a chance while dad is around. "

"What the hell is the mother, God is really jealous of her own child, when will Zulaikha be able to be like this, later you won't be able to be like this Zulaikha, so while there is still a chance, don't waste this opportunity bun, remember."

"Where are you going, saying all that?"

"Yes, I want to marry my mother, Zulaikha wants to be single all the time, to be my father's mosquito all the time. That's impossible."

"Iyah deh zulaikha akbar, mom is wrong."

***

Arriving at my destination restaurant, I immediately ordered the menu that I wanted to order for my lunch that I had left behind while in Bandung. After everyone finished ordering me, my father, and mother immediately occupied an empty place. What other blessings can you deny, being able to eat well with your beloved family in a happy, healthy parent. I smiled when I saw the interaction between mom and dad who chatted with lots of jokes and laughter.

"O God, make my parents healthy, extend their lives, increase the fortune for my family, forgive all their sins, love them as they loved me when I was a child. Ya Allah, I hope that when I am reunited with my future priest, I want the good things that I always see in my parents' relationship to be good things for my relationship in the future. The patience of the mother to face the father's selfishness, and the father's love for the mother who never has any limits. Hopefully when I get married, father and mother will still be able to watch me." I prayed silently while watching their happy interactions with a smile.

"Dad, mom is very happy, thank God allah answered all the prayers of mom's prayers. With God's permission, the mother was declared cured and did not need to return to Bandung for treatment. Mommy is very happy dad."

Mother said while shedding tears, soon father hugged mother while talking.

"alhamdulillah ya allah, bunda thank you very much yah for wanting to fight until this point, until finally allah declared healed for bunda's health, this is allah's will for his servants who want to be patient and try in everything whatever. It feels like dad really doesn't regret being able to choose and propose to mom as dad's wife and mother of dad's children. Thank you very much, mom, for accepting dad's khitbah proposal and ending up being dad's wife."

Warm, that's what I see between the interaction of father and mother, when else can I see their story directly. I will tell this story to my children in the future, how much your grandmother is loved by your grandfather.

Me, my mom, and my dad went around the mall, not only for our monthly shopping, but also to buy a gift for my mom. And before I knew it, it was getting late. Me, my father, and my mother hurried to go home.

On the way I saw that there was a friend request notification on my Instagram, and he was a person I liked for a long time. "Is this for real? Am I the one who's hazy?" I asked silently, but I didn't open the app right away. "I'll do it later when I get home."

***

 

"Dad, Mom, Zulaikha let me go to the room first, I want to clean my body and then sleep, because it's already late and I'm tired hehe."

"Iyyah sayang boleh, thank you very much yah sorry always bothered by mom, here mom want to hug you first."

After the hug scene I rushed upstairs and went into my room, where I always pour out all my expressions. Even though it was raining outside, my body was raging, so I decided to take a shower and not to forget to wash my hair. You know, my shampoo routine is very long-winded, not without reason, because in the past my hair was damaged so badly, and yes now I don't want it to happen again.

"huahhh, the freshness, the coolness, the coolness of the body when you take a shower, if you are like this, you will definitely sleep well too."

After cleaning my body and facial skincare, I continued to sleep, don't expect me to immediately close my eyes. Because of my curiosity in the car earlier, I wanted to open instrgram first, see the notification earlier, is it true that he followed my account or did he accidentally kepo terharap my account and accidentally clicked on follow?

And boom sure enough, he actually followed my instagram account

"For what sake, am I seriously being followed by this person? I didn't dream of it? Yes, allah, this is true, allah, he didn't press follow, right? He really follows ya allah on purpose. Yes, God, I hope this is an eternal happiness, not a false happiness and a delayed happiness."

"Ouch ouch I have to do this well, I just follow what's back, or what is this, oh my god is really big." Yes, that's how a girl named Zulaikha feels if there is news that makes her happy. It is certain that the next day will be much more flowery than the day before

"what .. he likes my snapgram? Wah wah wah can't be discussed properly, I want to cry ya allah, I follow back deh who knows tomorrow he'll text me asking for news or whatever his name is, now let's go to sleep first yes Zulaikha, have a good dream too, if you can dream about him hehehe."

After the busy self-talk between Zulaikha and Zulaikha, the atmosphere of the room became quiet, all that was heard was the sound of the ac machine, the lights were turned off in the room, because Zulaikha's father himself always directed his children to always turn off the lights at night, in addition to the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad sallahu'alaihi wasallam, turning off the lights can also make our eyes rest.

***

The time has shown 05.00, Zulaikha rushed to do her obligations, namely the morning prayer. after the morning prayer Zulaikha always performs morning dhikr, that is the habit of the Akbar family, all of her family are taught positive things about religion.

"ting ting"

Zulaikha's cell phone notification sound

"Where's the cellphone, forgot to save it again?" That's how Zulaikha always forgets to store her things.

"Well I found it too" after finding her cell phone, Zulaikha immediately sat herself on the edge of her mattress. How surprised Zulaikha was when she found out whose notification she got.

"assalamualikum Zulaikha"

"How's it going? How's mom and dad?"

"There is no way this is God, seriously after he followed this account, he dm like this? Try replying to yah? Bismilah deh, hopefully good things come continuously, God."

"waalaikumsalam, khalid"

"Alhamdulillah khair khalid, thank God mom and dad are also good, how is khalid and family? It's really rare to feel like there's something important, isn't it?"

"ting..tingg"

"hah ya allah, immediately answered again, again active."

"Alhamdulillah, it's good too, abba and mamah are also good, Alhamdulillah."

"No, Zulaikha, just for fun, when I opened my cellphone, I got a notification that Zulaikha had started following khalid back, so khalid just DM'd her. Incidentally, we haven't met for a long time either."

"ohh geez, iyah yah really haven't met for a long time, the last time was at the wedding. Zulaikha also didn't realize that the one who filled in the murottal was khalid, someone told Zulaikha. Zulaikha thought it wasn't khalid, because Zulaikha hadn't seen him for a long time and didn't realize it either."

Khalid Rahim khan His name, he is still Zulaikha's brother, but if in the mahrom arrangement, khalid is not Zulaikha's mahrom, and it can be said that if it is a match, they can both get married. To be honest, Zulaikha herself had liked a man named khalid since she was in elementary school. His handsome face was like a real Pakistani, because indeed the father's family was of Pakistani descent. How could Zulaikha not like a man like khalid. Years of liking in silence, and never knowing the news about him, by Allah's permission qodarullah Allah reunited them in a family event as well. And how very very surprised Zulaikha was that the one who filled the murottal at her brother's wedding was the man who had been her idol for all these years. If asked why Zulaikha liked that man...? Even Zulaikha was still stuttering to answer it, because honestly there was no definite reason to explain to everyone about the feelings that she had been keeping to herself, whether from her speech, her politeness when she met people, her friendliness when meeting small children, because honestly she really liked children, and her sense of attention to her family. The most important point of Zulaikha liking this khalid is, how he can become a memorizer of the Koran. Through the chanting of the verses he recited it would divert all the circumstances around, sounded soft, and could make people feel calm.

Maybe from the reasons above it can be concluded that yes Zulaikha liked khalid for the reasons above, so it was not without reason, but there were even so many reasons, Zulaikha was confused about which one Zulaikha should talk about.

***

 

After many months, now Zulaikha and khalid are not as awkward as before. It can even be seen, that khalid began to open his heart to Zulaikha. Maybe this is love avenged? This is the story experienced by Ali and Fatimah.

Hmmm, really the days that Zulaikha goes through now, since the presence of khalid, are very full of flowers, Zulaikha is always impatient when the night comes, because the night becomes her routine to chat with each other via dm Instagram.

"Zulaikha, the next few days maybe khalid won't be able to be active like now, khalid has to go back to the cottage, to teach there, and most likely khalid is difficult to be active on social media there."

This sentence was avoided by a Zulaikha, abandoned for months. What if Zulaikha missed him? What if she was in trouble and needed someone to complain to?

During this time Zulaikha has loved khalid many times over, where whatever the problem khalid the solution. Whether it's a matter of daily life, or even life in his family.

"How long? What month will Khalid be back home? So Zulaikha will be left alone? If Zulaikha misses how ya hehe .."

"Just pray, hopefully what is the prayer of Zulaikha, Allah will grant, it is likely that the end of fasting khalid can only return home until Eid."

That's how they are, already starting like a lover in general, if asked about the status of their relationship? The answer is that there is no status and is still hanging, both in khalid and in Zulaikha herself.

"Well then, khalid is in good health there, hopefully the book isa chat again even though it's through dm, and hopefully we can meet later too. May allah always protect khalid wherever khalid is, and may the knowledge that khalid conveys to students continue to be blessed and become a charity of jariyah also for khalid himself, don't forget Zulaikha, remember Zulaikha there."

"masyaallah, Zulaikha really intends to type it, iyah insyaallah khalid will not forget Zulaikha ko, thank you very much yah the prayers that Zulaikha has said for khalid in the future, may allah hear and answer all Zulaikha's prayers. God willing, we will also meet in Eid if we have the age."

It was the saddest conversation Zulaikha had ever had, her longing was imagined, would the days she always passed with khalid yesterday be eternal? Or was it the other way around? Zulaikha did not want to fight the will of God. What is certain now is that she must be able to accept the situation that she will be left by khalid for months.

***

"New virgins wake up at this hour, remember later no one will be embarrassed oh with you deck, how come future wives, and future mothers wake up at this time of the day."

Wellhh today at home there is my last sister, her name is Fatimah, she was Zulaikha's fighting friend for a long time, but when Fatimah got married Zulaikha was the one who won the most. Zulaikha thought that after marriage, Fatimah would never meet Zulaikha again, because it was limited by Fatimah's own husband. But that was a big mistake, Fatimah and her husband had a house close to her ummi, only blocked by six houses.

"What the heck, sis, it's really complicated, people have been up from earlier too, just now coming downstairs. You see, Zulaikha was already awake from the dawn call to prayer, continued to clean the room, took a shower, went straight downstairs."

I was annoyed at my last brother, that's how he was, the julid nature he had did not know whether it came from his father or mother.

"Have you showered? How come you don't look like you've showered, try to look at his face." While holding both of my cheeks using his hand.

" ihhh.... Kaka Fatimah what the heck, hold your cheeks, you've already done skincare too, even if you hold it, what if the skincare doesn't enter Zulaikha's face, it will be useless."

"ouch ouch ouch, my sister is cranky, what do you want, let me buy it so that you are cranky."

"Kakk ih fuck what's too much deh ah, what is Zulaikha a child."

It's so strange, my days without khalid are now even gloomier, more bored and less energetic than before.

Right now my fourth sister is always at my house because she is pregnant. And her husband is always working out of town. So the mother suggested that Fatimah's brother be at home, worried that when he was left alone Fatimah's brother gave birth and there was no one to help him. So that's how it is now at home, crowded like in a market, Fatimah's brother who always comments on everything I do and I always reply to Fatimah's brother's comments, and of course the mother who is always the mediator between the two of us.

"Fatimah, when do you plan to give birth, I don't think I know your schedule yet."

Ask mom, who certainly can't wait for the arrival of her first grandchild from my fourth sister.

"If the doctor says it's this week bund, but Fatimah doesn't know whether it has to be saecar or normal. The problem is that yesterday the baby's head was still above, not yet below, but finally it was already below bund. Hopefully the best for Fatimah, ask for prayers well bund, for the smoothness, and Fatimah's health will be born."

"aamiin dear, God willing, God will help the mother's child, you don't forget to pray to God for the smooth running of your health. If you're looking for a new home, you've come to the right place, and you're looking for a new home, you've come to the right place, and you've come to the right place, and you've come to the right place. Nowadays, delivery is no longer a strange thing, the most important thing is to give birth together."

"But mom, Fatimah is really worried, the amount of talk out there makes Fatimah not confident." Asked Fatimah's brother with a sad face, worried and anxious, very very clear on his face.

"Honey, listen to mom, people can only comment, without knowing what is best for us, remember there is allah, just pray to allah that you will be given a very abundant awareness by allah to deal with people who can only comment. Inshalah, whatever the decision is, it's the best for you from allah. There is a mother, there is a father, there is Zulaikha here who will help you later, don't be sad, if you continue to be like this, your baby in the stomach will be sad too. We must welcome him with joy and happiness, dear." Patiently the mother explained all the answers to what Fatimah's brother had told the mother. I really hope that someday when I have met my future imam, then get married, and conceive, the mother's attention will be like the mother's attention to Fatimah's brother, because if not to the mother then who am I to?. Ah, it's sad to remember that way.

"Iyyah bunda, thank you very much, sorry Fatimah always troubles the mother every day, the mother already wants to be patient in facing Fatimah's nature which is like this, even though Fatimah should have been more mature, but here Fatimah still depends on the mother."

"hey, honey, you can't say that, I'm sincere in helping you, we are the same."

"Thank you so much mom."

***

It's been 2 weeks after the conversation between Fatimah's sister and mom, but she hasn't had any pain in her stomach.

"assalamualikum, mom" Fatimah's sister's voice came to the house and immediately looked for mom.

"What's wrong with the mom in the toilet?"

"No, just wait for mom."

Soon, mom came from near the toilet.

"You're here at this hour, why?" asked mom to kak Fatimah.

"Mom, earlier Fatimah had control and the doctor's decision on Monday Fatimah had to go to surgery, Fatimah's baby was also too big 3.7 worried that Fatimah could not give birth normally, and the baby continued to grow inside, so the doctor suggested surgery for mom."

Honestly, I was a little surprised, but that's how it is.

"Iyyah gapapa baby, maybe this is the best for you and the baby too, now just prepare yourself for your birth."

***

A week has passed since the birth of Fatimah's brother, alhamdulillah by Allah's permission Fatimah gave birth to a boy.

"kak Fatimah, Zulaikha has permission to make a snapgram with a photo of your child, but Zulaikha will cover her face."

"Iyyah, you can but really close it, I'm afraid I'll get ain nauzubillah."

After uploading the snapgram, I immediately held Fatimah's child again, but while I was holding it there was a notification

"ting..ting"

"what............"

"suttttttt....., what's wrong with you, my child will wake up."

"hehe map map sis, yaudah ya child I love you, I have a sudden business first have to go to the room." I immediately gave the cute baby to his mother. And I hurriedly ran to the room.

"ya allah zulaikhaa, if you climb the stairs be careful dong later you fall, habit deh you mah."

"SORRY BUNDA" I replied loudly from above.

When I got to my room, I continued to answer the DM message on my cellphone, who else if not from khalid.

"It's not like he's coming home in the next month, there are still 3 months left, how is this, I'm baper."

"Fatimah's brother has given birth? Cewe cowo"

"Iyyah nih lid thank God for giving birth, even though there were many unexpected tests, but thank God it went smoothly too. Alhamdulillah cowo lid."

"Subhanallah, if there is a test like that, there must be something in every situation, masyaallah, hopefully he will become a pious child, and become the best intercessor for his parents later."

"aamiin, thank you khalid, oh iyyah ko active social media anyway, is not there still 3 months left?"

"hahaha, iyyah ya qodarullah have to go back home there is a business that is difficult to explain."

"Zulaikha, khalid wants to tell zulaikha, in the next 2 years, khalid has plans for both of us, so wait 2 years."

No, no, no, this is impossible, what plans does he mean, God, is he proposing to me or wants to marry me? Yes, God, this heart becomes chaotic like this, God. Honestly, I was even worried because of the writing of the message conveyed by khalid to me, what plan was khalid's intention.

"What's the plan lid? Can't we talk about it now?"

"No, for now it's too early."

"Well, wait for two years."

***

Two years have passed, what is the news about the promise that khalid promised me all this time has become dust. The heartache he conveyed to me really made me lose my way, how could I not. I openly know his relationship with another woman. What hurt me the most was when I saw their Instagram accounts connecting with each other. His words were sweet, but very painful.

A few months after arriving at the two-year long wait...

"Hi khalid? It's been two years, so what did khalid promise Zulaikha? Very curious."

"I hope khalid can keep the promise that khalid promised yah, and hopefully khalid knows what it feels like to be given hope and then left without news."

I'm tired of everything, hopes, desires, and ideals have been shattered just like that. There's not even an answer to explain why he didn't keep his promise. Is it me who is too stupid to love, or is it him who is too dismissive of promises.

Next week was my brother's wedding day, and it was confirmed that Khalid was coming. And I couldn't be ready to meet him. There was still a deep, lingering hurt in my heart.

"Zulaikha, is your shirt finished yet?" my mother asked me, because the shirt that was sewn was not by the same tailor as my mother. Because I've had a reliable tailor for a long time.

"Already mom wants to see the clothes, nice you know."

"masyallah, it's really good, it's not wrong for you to sew there. It's already like you're the bride. May allah hasten yah dear." Deg, mom's words made my heart stabbed. Remembering the promise of a man named khalid, is it true that the promise will propose to me or is it just my guess. Ya allah I leave everything and surrender everything only to you.

***

"Oh my gosh kha, I haven't seen you for a long time, you're getting prettier, let's get married, do you have a candidate yet? There's an unemployed one, you guys are perfect."

No, his name is also a newlywed, surely the direction of the chatter is there. When I turned my gaze towards what my brother pointed out was khalid.

"Ahh, you can do it, no he has a candidate, let's take him."

"Even if in sandingin, you must be the winner kha."

"hush, ah it's not good to say that, just pray for me and my future. By the way barakallahulaka wabaraka alaika wajama bainahumma fi khair yah, for you and your family, may it be a Sakinah mawaddah and warahmah family."

"aamiin yaa mujibas sailiin, thank you so much Zulaikha, best wishes to you and your family."

 

After going downstairs to shake hands with the bride and groom, I immediately went to the food place. What dishes do you like the most when you're invited? For me, it's nasi kebuli, rendang with fruits, it's so delicious. When I sat in the VIP section there was someone who approached me.

"After eating, can we chat to solve the problems we haven't solved yet?" he whispered right in my right ear and I was surprised to hear his voice.

"What do you mean? You can't, what if the others see it? We have nothing to solve, because all the unfinished business is with you. Now you better stay away from me." My anger peaked when I heard his words that did not match the facts according to me. In the past, his words were an opiate for me, unlike now, only anger came out of my mouth.

"You can't be like that kha, anyway I'm waiting for you now after you finish eating to meet me at the back, near the swimming pool there is a seat, we will talk and solve everything there. Remember I don't accept rejection."

Really where was the politeness that existed in him before, he was far different from the khalid I knew. Even to greet him was something I would never do again. Why did he become like this, the question I always ask myself.

Not long after...

"Come along." Yes, it's true that Khalid pulled my hand.

"Lid hurts don't pull like this, what do you mean." I said when khalid pulled my hand

"lid, if you meet another brother like how, khalid please really let go of my hand, khalid you dneger me right lid, lid take off lid take off. Khalid........!!!" I finally shouted and Khalid managed to let go of my hand, but not because of my screams, but because our destination had arrived.

"Now, khalid asks? Zulaikha really has feelings, right? Answer kha?" ah really all this time he went anywhere and just realized it now, after he had another woman besides me, and when I had forgotten what it was like to love someone we love.

"Don't expect any answers from my mouth, because there are no answers to your questions." My tone began to rise

"kha, please let your answer be my decision for the future."

"lid, what decision do you mean? The decision to establish a more serious life in the future, by choosing which one is best for you between akua or sofie, iyyah? Never promise someone especially this promise is very very fatal. You know what the law of giving promises to people is like? You even understand much better than me? But which, two years long I waited for an answer to your promise, but what did I get? Nothing lid. I've been collecting and I've done it, but all I get is bad news. You even blatantly have the same instragram bio with another woman. It's a trivial thing, but are you aware of your previous promise? Or do you think the promise you made was just a joke?"

"kha, there are other reasons that I can't explain to you right now. Let bygones be bygones, all I need now is your answer about your feelings."

" and all I needed was the answer to my two-year long wait. But that doesn't apply to now. The two years are over, and I've forgotten everything. My affection for you, my concern for you, and my trust in everything you said."

"kha, allah is the most forgiving, how come you as his servant don't want to forgive me?"

"stop linking allah if you as his servant never obey what allah has clearly conveyed to his servants. You know the characteristics of a hypocrite are three, and one of them is when he promises he breaks. Here you are besides making me sick and falling down, you have become a person who is one of those characteristics. Now mind your own business." I sobbed, it hurts when we have been harboring resentment for a long time and can only be conveyed, the intention is to forget but instead it is revealed again.

"I let go, and I let you go now. What you want to do, you want to choose that person, go ahead and have a relationship with her. I hope that woman doesn't experience the same thing that I experienced during my relationship with you. Allow me to be able to make peace with yesterday's problems. I want to forget everything, it was a waste of my life yesterday, and a waste of time."

"But, kha, I want to marry you and make you my wife."

Khalidd, why not in the last two years, it hurts, his words made me sob even more.

"kha, please." God, her voice was as soft as it had been all those years ago before her betrayal.

"Not for now, because everything has already happened, even you haven't deleted the same bio with him, that means you guys also still have a relationship right. Now you better propose and marry him. Maybe for now he needs you more than me who already has any relationship with you other than being a brother in the family. I bury all my hopes and dreams as long as I am in a relationship with you. Thank you for being an encouragement in my life, without you I may never know what patience feels like. Thank you because khalid has come to be the one who is always present in whatever situation Zulaikha has experienced."

"Now, Zulaikha, let me take my leave, hopefully this can resolve all the things that once prevented us from interacting." My link

After that long chat, I went back inside, but not to the venue, but to my room, because the event was in a hotel.

In the room I cried my heart out, and hoped that this cry would heal my pain and that there would be no more sobs caused by this problem.

Goodbye inda past, thank you for stopping by but not really....